Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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