Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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