life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
