The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
