i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
