The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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