Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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