I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
