Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
