Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
