hotel room ftw
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
