mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
