A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
