i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
