In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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