He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
