If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
