I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
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Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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