Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
