Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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