Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
