He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
