Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
