I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This baby is an asshole
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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