Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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