Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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