the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
