just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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