Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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