1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i barfeds in our rink
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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