I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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