Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
