I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
