currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
