her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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