And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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