Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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