i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No...this little piggys going to the bar
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
