I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
