Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
