It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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