oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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