Who wears a wallet chain?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
