so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
