i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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