Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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