If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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