ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
