it wasn't lemon gatorade
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
