would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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