Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
