you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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