Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
