Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
