I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
