i was born a porn star she said
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
