I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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