Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
