You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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