I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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