My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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