Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
