Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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