At least make sure they are 18
Why
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
