I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
