My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
