Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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