I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Randomize
