you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
