I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
