What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
