It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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