so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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