Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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